Decoding the Product Manager (2)

Emotional Intelligence an essential skill for PM

Author

Sherman Jiang
February 09, 2024

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Empowering product managers with the tools and knowledge to create products consumers love

Decoding the Product Manager (Part 2)

Emotional Intelligence an essential skill for PM

Throughout my career, I've encountered numerous situations where a lack of emotional intelligence (EQ) hindered my effectiveness. A contentious client meeting where my frustration led to regrettable remarks, requiring significant effort to repair the damage? Or the times I viewed certain stakeholders as obstacles, leading to unnecessary escalations and extended meetings? Even my preference for concise communication, while efficient, clashed with my manager's need for detailed updates, resulting in missed expectations despite strong results.

These experiences, though challenging, proved invaluable in shaping my understanding of EQ's critical role at workplace. The good news? EQ can be cultivated through deliberate effort and continuous learning. In the following sections, we'll delve deeper into the "what," "why," and "how" of EQ, exploring practical strategies through real-world scenarios.

What is emotional Intelligence?

Emotional intelligence commonly defined in four areas of attributes:

1. Self-management – You're able to control impulsive feelings and behaviors, manage your emotions in healthy ways, take initiative, follow through on commitments, and adapt to changing circumstances.

2. Self-awareness – You recognize your own emotions and how they affect your thoughts and behavior. You know your strengths and weaknesses, and have self-confidence.

3. Social awareness – You have empathy. You can understand the emotions, needs, and concerns of other people, pick up on emotional cues, feel comfortable socially, and recognize the power dynamics in a group or organization

4. Relationship management – You know how to develop and maintain good relationships, communicate clearly, inspire and influence others, work well in a team, and manage conflict.

Image retrieved from www.thechangeforum.com

Why do we need emotional intelligence?

EQ is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence helps you build stronger relationships, succeed at work, and achieve your career goals. For examples:

  • Sprint derailed? Stakeholders questioning your product vision? Can you stay calm, understand their concerns, and sense where they're coming from? Or do you get frustrated, let negativity take over, and harbor resentment? Without emotional intelligence, you risk skewed judgment and losing that winning attitude.

  • Juggling deadlines, budgets, market demands, and resource constraints? Can you push the right priority effectively without appearing stressed or panicking? Can you handle an angry customer with a bug-laden product while keeping your cool? If you can't control your emotions under pressure, you risk eroding trust and confidence from everyone involved.

  • How well do you understand your customers' feelings and concerns? What about the sales team, support team, and engineers? what make a team member tick? If you can't truly grasp their perspectives, communication falters and alignment suffers. Without a shared vision, leading your team becomes an uphill battle.

  • Building strong relationships within the organization, navigating internal politics, and succeeding in negotiations relies on EQ. Can you build authentic and trust relationship and understand the power dynamics (BTW, stakeholder matrix, power/interest grid are good tools) at play? If not, securing additional resources, getting quick approvals, or persuading customers to pilot your MVP can be incredibly challenging.

Three Methods to manage your emotion in the workplace?

When Daniel Goleman, the author of Emotional Intelligence, talks about how to deal with the EQ issue at work. He recommended three methods to get start.

Box Breathing: Navy SEAL Calm Under Pressure

This yogic technique involves inhaling, holding, exhaling, and holding your breath for equal counts (typically four each). It creates a mental reset, slowing your heart rate and calming your mind. Think of it as a portable stress-reliever you can practice anywhere.

"Name It to Tame It": Label Your Emotions for Control

Coined by Dr. Dan Siegel*.* Psychologist David Rock states, “when you experience significant internal tension and anxiety, you can reduce stress by up to 50% by simply noticing and naming your state.” Acknowledging them instead of letting them control you. Become an "interested observer" of yourself throughout the day, noticing emotional patterns and their triggers. Stepping back creates space for conscious response rather than impulsive reaction.

Mindfulness: Anchor Yourself in the Present Moment

Mindfulness is the practice of purposely focusing your attention on the present moment—and accepting it without judgment. Being mindful makes it easier to savor the pleasures in life as they occur, helps you become fully engaged in activities, and creates a greater capacity to deal with adverse events. You are less preoccupied, and more capable to form connections with others. Try guided mindfulness meditation practice even 10-15 minutes would help.

Remember, emotions are valid, but you have the power to choose your response. You don’t have to believe your extreme thoughts, talk back to negative thoughts. Keep you eyes on the goals — to learn and grow, develop a skill, take on a challenge, enjoy your co-workers.

These techniques are a solid starting point. As you practice and make them habits, you may explore other areas like empathy, nonverbal communication, conflict resolution, and coaching to become a true EQ master.

Real-life Scenarios

While we've talked about general techniques, let's explore some "real-life" scenarios and how to apply your EQ:

Scenario 1: Frustrated by Your Boss's EQ

Many ask, "What about a boss with low EQ?" Let me remind you, DO NOT tell your boss to work on his EQ directly. Someone without good EQ wouldn’t take it well. Here are some alternatives:

  1. Find an Ally: Approach someone your boss respects and trusts, ask him/her to give confidential feedback. This indirect approach may have greater impact.

  2. Improve You Own: Participate in 360-degree feedback, seek coaching or practice with a trusted colleague. Practice your improved EQ skills, influencing your boss through positive modeling.

  3. Move on: You can move on to the next job, but if you really love what you do, get your boss’ resume, send to recruiters, and help your boss to get a new job.

Scenario 2: Managing an Upset Client

An angry client can test your EQ. Remember:

  1. Active Listening: Acknowledge their concerns empathetically, focusing on understanding before offering solutions.

  2. Calm Communication: Stay calm and respectful, even if they raise their voice. Avoid defensiveness and maintain a collaborative tone.

  3. Problem-Solving: Work together to find a solution that addresses their needs. Validate their feelings and show genuine commitment to resolution.

Scenario 3: Giving Difficult Feedback

Providing critical feedback requires tact and awareness.

  1. Focus on Behavior: Address specific actions and their impact, avoiding personal attacks.

  2. Offer Solutions: Don't just point out problems; suggest concrete improvements for moving forward.

  3. Positive Reinforcement: Acknowledge areas where they're performing well, creating a balanced and constructive conversation.

Developing EQ is a journey, not a destination. As you hone your emotional intelligence, you'll navigate workplace challenges with greater ease and build stronger, more productive relationships.

Reference

Cropper, B. 2018. Leading with emotional intelligence. Image retrieved fromwww.thechangeforum.com 

Improving Emotional Intelligence (EQ)

Using these 4 key skills, you can improve your emotional intelligence and increase your success at work, school, and in your relationships.

www.helpguide.org/articles/mental-health/emotional-intelligence-eq.htm

Author

Sherman Jiang, a product leader with a proven track record of success at Fortune 500 companies like Visa, HSBC, and Synchrony and honed expertise in Silicon Valley’s fast-paced tech scene. My passion lies in empowering payment and fintech companies through the power of Agile and AI augment. I specialize in engagement of team transformations, product strategy, product discovery, product development, and product delivery. I’m also enthusiastic about how generative AI can make product managers better.